Godly Advice for Dating Relationships

The Bible has very little to say about “dating” because people in ancient times didn’t really date. Marriages were usually contracted by the fathers of the parties involved or representatives of the fathers. The servant of Abraham went to the people of the city of Haran and brought back a wife for Isaac. Isaac did not see her until the night he married her (Genesis 24:62-66). Marriages were typically arranged for the parties involved. This made them no less binding. God still commanded husbands and wives to love one another and submit to one another’s needs and interests (Ephesians 5:21-33).

Though people in Bible times didn’t really date, there are some biblical principles that should govern our dating activities today. First of all, people who date should not have sex until they marry. While it is normal and natural to be attracted to someone of the opposite sex, we are called by God to keep those urges under control until we commit to someone in marriage. The New Testament clearly teaches that sex outside of marriage is sinful (1 Corinthians 6:9-11,18-20; Hebrews 13:4). Dating, then, for Christians, is not about sex. Since that is true, Christians who date will want to choose activities in public places where conversations and healthy activities can be carried on without becoming involved in too much intimacy. Keep the lust in check and the touching to a minimum (Matthew 5:27-29). Going out in groups is a good thing to consider. Since dating may eventually lead to marriage, we probably should not begin dating too early or date one person too long, unless we are ready to commit to a lifetime relationship.

Next, since the Scriptures teach us that it is important to form our primary relationships with people who will help us spiritually, we should date people who want to do the will of God. Since we eventually marry someone we date, we should not date those who lack Christian values (2 Corinthians 6:14ff).. When we go out with someone, we should engage in lots of conversation and get to know what kind of person our date is. It would be good to observe this person in church, in various acts of service, at work, and in various social situations to see how this person conducts himself/herself and how this person treats other people. Having done these things over a period of time, we are in a better position to decide whether this person would make a suitable companion for life. We should ask, “Will this person help me walk with God?” “Will this person be the kind of parent I want for my children?”

Finally, since the whole of Christian life is governed by God’s will, we should choose the right kind of activities for our dating. We should avoid the kinds of places where ungodly things are the norm. We need not be in seedy nightclubs or in bars or in decidedly vulgar movies. Instead, good dates might be to sporting events, high quality movies, a nice dinner, a good concert, a church activity, a museum, or a service activity. Do the kinds of things that you, as a Christian, feel good about doing.

It is good to be friends with lots of different people. When Christian singles date, however, they do so with several basic principles in mind. They know that dating is not about sex. They work to maintain their purity, saving sex for marriage. They seek relationships with people who will support them in their walk with God. They seek activities through which they can both get to know their date and act in a way that is pleasing to God. So, happy dating! Just remember to take Jesus along with you everywhere you go!

Dan Owen

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19 Comments

  1. I am so sorry that no one has ever commented on your article, and this is 5/3/11 ??? Your article is right on target. I wish more of this was taught at home first and then in the teen groups. When I was dating my husband, we always tried to pick church activities to go to or another Christian friends house…most things so we wold not be in a tempting mode. Some parents today just turn their daughter out with any guy in the youth group becase he says he is a Christian, and they think everything is ok! There are Christians and then there are Christians. I was looking for a mna that loved the Lord, wanted to serve Him and put God and our family formost. I did not want a man that was angry, talked ugly to his mother, and just plain wanted to alwasy be right. I knew this wold be the rest of my life if I married someone like this. Call me picky if any one wishes, but you better be picky because this is the man or woman you are “supposed” to love and live with the rest of your life. Even Christian men and women can be abusive…open our eyes before marriage. Always seek God’s advice on a mate!

  2. Wesley

    May 5, 2011 at 11:20 am

    Thanks Donna for commenting. I had several private comments on this post, but I’m always glad when people post so others can see and learn from them. Thanks for the godly advice in the comment.

  3. Hmmm. Thank God for given you his knowledge to write this. Infact, it will be of help to every xtian who are ready to do the will God. As for me, this is the kind of guide i need and found it so interesting. God bless your home

  4. First Corinthians 7:25 direct translation is virgins not unmarried.The KJV reflects this.

  5. Tnx for this msg, I’m very happy, and i tnk for using to advice and encourage me. Sometimes my friends ask me if i really know what I’m doing,scaring guys away from me. But tnk God, and for my obedience is better than sacrifies, God’s will is the best.

  6. Tnx for this msg, I’m very happy, and i tnk God for using u to advice and encourage me. Sometimes my friends ask me if i really know what I’m doing,scaring guys away from me. But tnk God, and for me, obedience is better than sacrifices, God’s will is the best.

  7. Since I am also using my Facebook as means to share biblical thoughts and fellowship with others, I like to quote or share or tag any relevant topics for my friends from many sources and my own. Your thoughts/explanations on “Godly Advice for Dating Relationships” is biblical-friendly especially for young teen. I thank God for you.

  8. Thank you for this article Wesley. I did make a wrong choice of marry a “supposed christian guy” 2 years ago, but now we are going through with a divorce. I know the bible speaks against divorce, but mine just could not be avoided after many failed attemps with marriage counselling.
    My friends and some family memebers are trying to push me into dating other, but since realising my mistake at saying “yes” to my last marriage proposal wihtout seeking Gods approval, I am now a bit more careful. My friends and some family members think that I am very picky, but this time I pray to seek God`s approval.

  9. adeyanju ayodele o.

    November 16, 2012 at 2:09 am

    d problem of d majority of our youths could b traced 2 their inability 2 wait on d Lrd in evry areas of life.God knws d right companion n he wil neva giv us d partner dat ‘l hurt our feelings or divrt our atention away frm God.many of us are nt patient enof as we ar in a haste 2 b in a relationship like d gentiles even contrarily 2 d wil of God concrnin our futur

  10. Thanks, I’m feeling enouraged.

  11. Tx vry mch sir i wish i was taught about Godly dating before i indulged in sex with the guy i’m commited with.we both ready 2get married but now we do have sex&we both know its wrong cause we are christians.its so hard not 2 have sex togetheq but we need help how can we stop?

  12. Thanks so much for this but I have a question to ask. If I am dating and not involving in sex but the guy wants to just hold me tight and close 2him, is it right?

  13. Thank you for this… It shed some light on why dating is currently harder than it has to be. You were right on target when you said don’t date someone too long unless you are ready to commit to that person in marriage. I would also add, that it is helpful to be able to provide for a family as well being that going from an “I” to a “We” requires more than a love commitment. God bless you for writing a clear, unbiased, and scriptural article. I pray it continues to bless others like it has blessed me.

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  17. Thanx very much for such an inspiring teaching, These are wise words which every God fearing person should follow, may God continue to give you wisdom,,

  18. Thank you so much for this article. This is exactly what I needed to hear. Sometimes I have doubts on my decisions or feelings. This article confirms that I am following on the right path. Very good advice.

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