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What I’ve learned in Five Years of Marriage?

Today is my 5th anniversary.  So this got me thinking about what I have learned in my five years of marriage.  This list is not exhaustive and I would love to see you put what marriage has taught you in the comments section.

1. God was right, the shared life is better.  It is nice to share life with someone.  To ask them “did you see that,” when some cool event just happened.  To tell them about your day (good or bad).  For me life is more enjoyable when I can laugh at a joke together or talk about dreams with  my wife.

2. Love is more than an endorphin rush.  When we reduce love to feelings then we miss the beauty of love.  Not that those feelings go away when your married, but you learn even more about the nature of love.  Love is when you or your spouse sacrifice to make the other happen.  Love can be Amanda watching and cheering on the Vols with me when I know she hates the game.  Love is when I go to the mall and try not to “sigh” as we go from store-to-store.  Love is commitment.  Marriage teaches me more and more about 1 Corinthians 13.

3.  I still struggle with the sin of selfishness and marriage has aided me in dealing with it.  There is something about marriage that helps us grow closer to God.  In that sense marriage is the first “spiritual discipline.”  In marriage we learn about ourselves. I have learned that I have to constantly deal with selfishness otherwise it will rear its ugly head.

4.  It is easier to be married when you have a good wife. Proverbs teaches this throughout.  A “good” wife is one who is virtuous.  It is one who has submitted to the Lordship of Jesus over your marriage.  Amanda and I disagree at times (I know you are thinking how can anyone disagree with me, but she does every now and then), but we both try to find God’s will in our situations.

5. God is at work.  Amanda lived in California.  I lived in Tennessee, then South Dakota.  Somehow we met in Denver.  I do not want to say for sure that it was God’s providence (even the apostle Paul hesitated to claim God’s hand in certain situations), but I do thank God that it all worked out the way it did.

So what have you all learned from marriage?



  1. I’ve learned that Matthew 6:1-6 is a key to a happy marriage. “Don’t do things to be noticed…don’t blow a trumpet before yourself…your Father see what is done in secret and will reward you.” If I fold the laundry (for once) and don’t get my expected parade, I shouldn’t pout about it. I’ve tried to find every way I can to do little things without alerting the media. Usually my wife notices, but when she doesn’t, I just smile to myself and say, “Only me and God saw that!” It becomes a fun game. It’s also very contagious. Even if she’s being “difficult” (in my opinion) and I feel like I’ve been wronged, I can take comfort and strength in knowing that God knows the truth. I will do what I know to be right and that God will see it and be pleased. Makes a lot of “big” stuff seem pretty small when you look at it that way.

  2. Wesley

    October 15, 2010 at 2:15 pm

    Thanks Rob. Those are words of wisdom.

  3. Randall Ricketts

    October 15, 2010 at 2:51 pm

    I have learned so much from my wife (Christie) of 17 years. I can tell that we have both grown a great deal in our relationship with our Savior Jesus Christ. I have also learned that we grow together in our daily walk with each other. One of the things that I have learned over the years is you really need to spend time with your spouse. You have to build time into your schedule for each other. Christie and I go for a walk even if it is only for ten minutes or so. That gives us time to talk about what is going on in our life which allows us to reflect on our lives together as a family. And by the way Wesley enjoy the games with your wife and at the mall because life is too short not to enjoy every moment you can.

  4. Wesley

    October 15, 2010 at 3:03 pm

    Thanks for leaving comments Uncle Randall. I will try to enjoy the mall a little more.

  5. Hmmmm, tricky question for me to answer since I am no longer married. Divorced. No details on that here but what I would have to say is, never take your spouse for granted. A gift should be cherished. Love should rule your actions even though sometimes it’s tough. Learn to dwell with the the wife of your youth, or you will painfully learn to dwell without her. God has given us specific tools and insights on how to treat, love, act, speak and nurture our wives, use EVERY one of them. If you fail, you will give the devil an opportunity and he WILL take it. Each day is a committement to her, no different than the committemnt with God, your children or friends, just make sure that next to God, she is your greatest focus. Learn to love the things she loves for loves sake. Learn about her, her desires, needs, wants intrests, lead her by your example and not by your words, respect her, honor her. Some men make the mistakes of believing that a christian woman will not leave JUST because she is a christian. If you ever fall into this pathetic way of thinking, you will understand as I now do, that it’s not true.

  6. Wesley

    October 15, 2010 at 11:29 pm


    I just want to say a special thank you for sharing. I know those words could not have been easy.


  7. Ephesians 5:21-33

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